Saturday, October 9, 2010

Use your imagination, show some class.........

You know, I've been riding for just over 42 years, and I can remember putting a bandanna over my face twice - once when I was in Arizona, and a pretty good sandstorm came up, and another time in Montana late in the Summer, when the temperature dropped, and the rainstorm I was riding thru started to turn into little ice pellets that were cutting into my face like little knives. That's it.

I've never understood the need for guys to ride around when it's 95 degrees out with a bandanna or a face mask on. I do understand why a 1%er would find the need to conceal his identity at a major event if he's riding, because sometimes people are where they aren't supposed to be, but that's the only exception I can think of. But, maybe I'm just not hip to what's going on otherwise. Let's look at some examples of what I found out there for "hip" facewear......

Here you have your regular ol' classic bandanna. Yeah, they're utilitarian, and they can double as a dew rag, or tied on your front forks for a "rain fender". You kind of put off that cowpoke/train robber/Fiddy Get Rich, Or Die Trying vibe when you're wearing them, but they're sooooo boring. Besides, being cotton, when they get soaked in the rain they kinda give you that "droopy drawers" look on your face.

When I used to see a pack of riders on Sunday wearing these skull face bandannas, on their way to the HOG Brunch, they used to scare the bejeezus out of me. But, they don't anymore, I'm pretty much used to the look. Now, those Alien face and "killer klown" ones...... I like the moustache ones though, those are cute, and make me giggle.

Ok, I don't know what the fuck to think about this one. This must be for the guy who has a Road Warrior "Ayatollah Of Rock&Rolla"/ Humongous fetish going on. I bet this is very comfortable on I-15 just south of Baker, CA in July, when it's 115 degrees - not to mention blinding oncoming drivers with the sun reflection. I guess it could come in handy at the end of your day, when your "road dogs" need you to split some firewood with your face.

OK, now let's look at some alternative facewear that I came across.........


I'm thinking that if you're kind of a minimalist guy, and you're bucks-down, this 3M dust mask would be the ticket. If you gals out there think this is " too plain..." you can always get that Bedazzler out, and bling it up a little. And, if you're riding a Japanese Brat-style or Nice!-styled cruiser, you can tie the whole package together by rockin' the "Tokyo Train Commuter" look!

For all you WWII buffs out there, there's nothing classier than a surplus gas mask for total protection from the elements. Perfect for deflecting rocks, sand, rain.....you have some kool eye protection, and you get to breathe clean filtered air. Plus, with #1 here, you've got that Greedo look going on, too. What more could you ask?

With the neck air pack, I'm thinking #2 here would be tits for riding in L.A. on those "red alert" smog days, or when you have to ride by that 2 mile long stretch of cattle pens on I-80, just east of I-76 in Nebraska. The "overseas hat" is a nice touch, too!



OK, now here would be the epitome of total bad-ass hardcore Ol' Skool kool - find yourself a vintage flameproof Top Fuel dragster pilot's facemask. Look how well it fits under your helmet and goggles! Total class, total coverage.

Check this out - while you're riding from Destination Daytona to Main St., your FLSTBFF engine that the Dealership guy that runs the dyno told you is putting 200 HP to the rear wheel blows, and takes your gas tanks out. That 3 day growth of beard you've carefully cultivated for the event is totally protected, and you've got a hellova good road story to tell when you get to the beer garden. The downside is you can't smoke that stogie while you're riding. Oh well.

I hope some of these examples have got your ol' creative juices flowing. Why wear a boring bandanna, or a trite skull or clown face - when you can combine utilitarian usefulness, and total road cred class with just a little thinking and a lot of time on Ebay. Fuck the J&P catalog, who knows what other alternatives you can come up with.....

9 comments:

Kris Klein said...

Haha "if you need to split some wood with your face", first time I saw these I thought/hoped it was a goof....

Charlie Potatoes said...

You're killin' me!I hope to see ya tomorrow Rich!

LUCKY said...

Bandannas are fer yer head or to blow yer nose!

Chopperdave said...

HAHAHAHA that is some good shit!

chessie said...

What an imaginative post! Gave me a much needed injection of humor today! Thanks

9half said...

One time and it was freezing and raining hard, never again.. cause umm well that's what a full face helmet is for.. God, we see em here all the time and it's 80 degrees out.. another trend I can't wait till it is gone..

drsprocket said...

Don't know if it's politically correct to giggle but I just did.

Gnar Jen said...

hahahah you guessed the destination daytona to main st. too perfect. i've been working biketoberfest at boot hill all week and i swear these motherfuckers have to be dying under these things when it's 85 degrees outside... the same guys are wearing leather chaps and affliction shirts with brand new boots and bikes... barf

Mad River Motor Company said...

I don't know - wore a 3/4 without any coverage until two pebbles and a horde of green flies thought my face was a lovely place to embed themselves - wear a bandana on my face cause it makes the pain a little more bearable (they hit my face and roll of instead of diver-downing in my skin)- since I look like the Dirtbike kid with some serious swelling, looking cool wasn't ever much of an option, but it ain't a trend if you think its necessary to your face and with the way these northeatern routes aren't being resurfaced,my face thanks me for it...